Ruth's Method

It had all been going remarkably well.

Right up until the moment someone actually expected coffee.

The machine had limited itself to its usual sighs, heavy clunks and the occasional ribbon of steam escaping from somewhere deep inside its ageing machinery.

Everything seemed promising.

Then, instead of coffee, it produced nothing but a dense cloud of steam that drifted out and settled comfortably at chest height between the three men standing in front of it.

This time it was Ulrikk who had dared press the only button that still worked.

He stood there waving the steam away with little success.

Naturally, Hampus was next in line.

He had only managed two cups so far that day, so the situation was rapidly approaching critical.

Jonas was third.

He had no intention of getting coffee at all.

He simply enjoyed spending time around the machine.

Purely for entertainment.

"You have to give it a little kick in the corner," Jonas said, grinning. "Then shake the nozzle a bit."

Hampus waited patiently, finishing the last sip from his previous cup with obvious satisfaction.

"Like this?" Ulrikk asked.

"No, the other corner."

"And the nozzle?"

"Not yet."

Jonas leaned in, listening carefully.

"There! Did you hear that little pffft?"

All three fell silent.

"There it is," Jonas whispered. "Now you give the nozzle a little shake... and then you wait."

"And that works every time?" Ulrikk asked.

"Not for me."

Jonas shrugged.

"But Ruth—the old cleaner—apparently has great success with that method."

The Half-Cup Button

All three turned expectantly towards the machine as it began its familiar ritual once again.

Ever since the full cup button had died sometime around Easter, only the half cup button could be trusted.

This time, however, it looked as though Ruth might actually have been onto something.

A thin but surprisingly steady stream of coffee began trickling into Ulrikk's mug.

It was the Tivoli mug.

The one he had won from a suspiciously generous wheel of fortune at a Christmas party in Copenhagen several years earlier.

A gigantic clown smiled cheerfully from the side of the cup.

The machine completed the first half with a satisfied little click.

Ulrikk pressed the button again.

Immediately the machine began grinding and rattling with alarming determination.

Hampus covered his ears.

The coffee machine sounded as though it was trying to throw up.

It coughed.

It wheezed.

It released a couple of impressive clouds of steam before finally forcing out one last stream of dark, remarkably strong coffee that just managed to fill the rest of the Tivoli mug.

The clown grinned triumphantly through the steam.

"I'd drink that," Jonas said, pointing at the mug as it slowly emerged from the cloud like some ancient prophecy.

Ulrikk carefully lifted it with both hands and inspected the contents.

"You know... that's actually not bad."

Hampus was already pushing his way forward.

"Move over," he said. "You've got to strike while the iron's hot."

He placed his cup beneath the nozzle.

The coffee machine answered with one long...

...deliberate...

...mechanical click.

The three of them froze.

Jonas sighed.

"Oh no."