We Should Grab a Coffee Sometime

It may be the most common lie in the Norwegian language.

"We should grab a coffee sometime."

Nobody is offended by it.

Nobody objects.

Nobody replies,

"You know what? No, we really don't have to."

Because everyone knows what the sentence actually means.

It means:

I like you well enough that I don't want to end this conversation awkwardly, but not quite well enough to reach for my calendar just yet.

The fascinating thing is how often we say it.

We say it to former colleagues, old classmates, neighbours we run into at the supermarket, and people we happen to end up sitting beside at an event. We promise coffee with a sincerity that lasts for about eight seconds.

Then we go our separate ways.

And the coffee is never drunk.

I'm beginning to think Norwegians don't use "We should grab a coffee sometime" as an invitation.

We use it as a piece of social punctuation.

A verbal comma that says:

"I'm friendly towards you, but not friendly enough to suggest Tuesday at six."

Because that's where the problem begins.

If someone were actually to reply,

"Absolutely! How about Thursday?"

many of us would experience a brief moment of internal panic.

Not because we don't like the person.

But because they took our words literally.

It's almost impolite to believe a Norwegian coffee invitation.

We're a people who are terrified of seeming intrusive. We're so afraid of imposing ourselves on other people's lives that we'd rather not knock on the door at all.

We don't send a message because we don't want to interrupt.

We don't call because it might not be a good time.

We don't invite because the other person might already be busy.

We don't ask people to meet because we don't want to put them in an awkward position.

We're so determined not to be a burden that we sometimes forget people actually like being asked.

The strange thing is that we're more afraid of seeming intrusive than we are of loneliness.

And loneliness is no small thing.

It rarely arrives with dramatic headlines.

It arrives as a series of small, innocent postponements.

"I'll send them a message later."

"We'll have that coffee another time."

"Next week will probably be better."

And suddenly three years have passed.

Perhaps that's why the phrase irritates me just a little.

Not because it's dishonest.

Quite the opposite.

It's almost touching.

The sentence expresses a genuine desire for connection—just without the risk that comes with actual connection.

We long for closeness.

But at a safe distance.

We'd like to have friends, as long as nobody has to make the first move.

Perhaps, every now and then, we should do something radical.

Perhaps we should actually mean it.

Perhaps we should say,

"We should grab a coffee sometime."

And when the other person replies,

"I'd love to."

we should take a deep breath, overcome the existential dread, and say:

"How about Wednesday?"

It might be a little uncomfortable.

But then again...

that may be exactly how friendships continue to exist.